Why?

I am not sure why I am making this, none of it really matters all that much to me, but I felt a rather overwhelming and terrifying feeling throughout this day of a nagging fear that I am not doing enough. A feeling that comes and goes, really, but today it was especially disruptive and fatalistic feeling. Time feels insignificant and yet extremely overbearing with how limited life truly is. Normally I wouldn't care about such things, normally I would just find comfort in the thought that I am not part of this fetid population for too long and will die leaving no trace and enter into a great nothingness - but things are different now and I have found myself valuing my life. Often times that is a wonderous, strange, and unbelievable thing...other times it feels like a curse and everything becomes too heavy to bear. It will pass, or I will be numb to it and succumb to apathy about my life. But, for now, this place will collect what little I can offer up about myself and my "creative" endeavors. I'm sure it will largely prove to be meaningless.