Poetry Attempt: An Exercise in Overwhelming Feelings

 This is a personal one, but all my writing is after all. I don't have much to say, this maybe isn't one for sharing publically but where exactly do I draw that line? It is a dedication poem. To a place, to a person. to certain feelings that overwhelm to the point of delirium and panic. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. I truly tried something different with this poem, although it might not appear that way. And in the end, I couldn't help but return to a more depressing sentiment. After all, it often feels like that is all that there is to return to. All that truly stays and remains consistent and reliable. There's nothing but the loss of self in the chaos of the world around us and the ensuing isolation that will take us all. I hope I'm wrong. That's it for now. 

“Pass me that lovely little gun,

My dear, my darling one.” 

- Nick Cave

North Adams, Massachusetts 

There’s music piping 

Out of the smeared guts of roadkill

Descending into discarded highways

Long-forgotten circus tents billow

In the breeze cutting open mountaintops

Shadows of lightning 

Ready to assault this atmosphere of dejected gloom

Where you sit,

Rain pierces through vibrantly humming leaves

Centipedes falling into your smile

I yearn for the taste of your tongue 

As the sun before us liquifies into night

And clouds overwhelming with sickness

Gorge themselves into darkness

We’re happily imprisoned, surrounded

By overlapping hills of careening tombstones

All my hopes and desires smoldering 

Our faces cascade into each other 

Maggots tying themselves into knots 

At the precipice of our conjoined breath

Outside, insects play pandemonium noise 

Inside, our twitching scarred bodies 

Ache to collide 

All our delirium is encased 

In century-old marbled inscriptions

Night parades toward the end

What I once was left on distant shores 

There are no words 

As I try to siphon the energy 

Of your becoming

My hands rejoicing through 

Your obsidian tangles

All fears rising to the shaky surface

Maybe just for a moment 

Once I saw the way you moved

Can I trust this end to my rot? 

Tumbling through razor blades

And blankets of cigarette ash

The motel walls whir and bubble

Mingling together

All else

Falls apart. 

Momentarily lost in your weeping

Watching blackened tears escape backward 

Into the pockmarked swirling ceiling

We’re both barely hanging in there

Wrap yourself around me

Take me down. 

Leave my fractured skeleton 

On the open road. 

Outside, a festival of nocturnal masks 

Pass by the plume of factory smoke 

Blinking lights scream

Through the wavelengths of passing cars

A nightly carnival of sycamores and graveyards

Blaring with sound through fits of rain

And beckoning thunder

Inside, I’m leaving my humanity behind 

With your smile

Alone, I’m again fit for the worms

A squirming nothing flitting through filth

But I’m here now

Chasing the light dazzling from the whites of your eyes

As they rolled back into their sockets

Your mouth agape, an inviting chasm

My hand wrapped tightly around you

My teeth

Enclosing your neck

Your name bleeds

Thick and sweetly from 

Scarred confines of my throat. 

The world spins

Commands us both 

To return to our natural-born states 

Of primordial inhumanness

And disastrous unrest 

Do I really want to be snuffed out?

In this pocket of earth 

Of rolling, overlapping hills of tombstones 

And marbled faces turning to flesh

Toppling over each other eternally through time

With the promise of a great flood of rain

To shred all my old flesh away

Your tragically ephemeral hand slipped in mine

As the ancient train 

Overflowing with circus children with little porcelain screams

And rattling animal bones 

Echoes its industrial roar through the titling scenery

Your gaze kneads through me

Your lips intertwined, revitalizing

There’s no more decay 

At the sound of your measured breath

In the trance of this burning night.

But inevitable disaster overwhelms

Sourced from past failures and archives of personal holocausts 

Reminders of the way they’ve all changed

Their confused hatred and learned indifference

Still haunting my every step 

With you…it’s not fair,

But I just want you to remain here 

Your head in the hollowed crevice of my heart

And return to sleep. 

Why can’t I stay? 

I stare into the river

Where you entangle with the current

All I want is to reach out

Hold you in this place till we're dust

To reciprocate those words you uttered

From your laid-bare heart

But all I can think about

Is bashing my head 

On the rocks. 

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