Poetry Attempt: Incapable of Normal Emotions

 I am more than confident that I am absolutely doomed. If the end doesn't come soon, then I'll bring it upon myself before too long. "Everything's backwards."

There’s No Me,

Anyway. 

Ringing of insects

Through scabbed-over stigmatas in the sky

Night boiling over with sarcophagus steam,

An abandoned station in a cloud of dead prayers,

A rotting arcadia lies within

Where all great-horned animals

Gore themselves 

And mindlessly breed in their entrails.

A pink quivering nothing

Coiled in shameful, forced existence,

Cosmic accident of birth,

It crawls its way out with burning limbs

And fails to drown 

In the flowing river of decomposition,

Wailing into inescapable psychosis,

Calling for the welcoming talons

Of anemic vultures. 

Reared in a caravan of lepers,

An endless ballet of depravity,

Rhythmic flash-bangs of black-out anger,

Canvas stretched over the imperfections

Painted over with a menagerie of 

Other’s compounding sorrows.

Waiting for the parasites to fill in the blanks

And finally take control. 

But a quarter of a century has escaped

Down into the necrotic sewage,

With nothing logical

And nothing resembling humanity 

Able to form out of this elusive facade,

This desecrated blank slate,

That makes up me. 

Now nothing is left unscathed

In the wake of the blossoming,

All-consuming rose clouds

Of boundless misery,

Fumbling with my legion of cicatrix,

I bear my atrocious shadows 

Calling for anyone who dares to approach,

Cleaving open my ribcage

Awaiting you to lose yourself 

In my cobweb of sickly sinew.

We’ve only accepted the invitation 

To perpetuate the fall. 

 

Grand Guignol swallows us in,

Denying the light,

Drinking deep a shared malformed life,

And vampirically transfusing our poisoned blood 

Through bullet wounds we plan to share. 

Lacerated bodies collide in carnal madness,

Fusing dreams of pain, 

Injecting each other with slowly festering decay,

Mocking a hate-filled grip 

Around writhing throats,

Trading bites with hypodermic teeth,

Gnawing our insides 

And willfully yanking out tufts of hair,

While hollowed eyes devour each other. 

Our interlocked, surging bodies

Careening towards a reckless oblivion,

Unknowingly awaiting departure,

An agonizing

Heart-rending 

Numbness 

Is the only guarantee. 

It’s doomed to repeat 

Until there’s no one living left 

For my disease to feast on.

Death will surely always flow,

Nightmares forever bleeding out of my ears 

Like spoiled milk 

And worm-eaten, calcified honey

Staining the indentation 

Marking where you once laid.

A phantom silhouette in my sheets,

I’m twisted and suffocating

On your death throes I pulled from your lungs. 

There’s no means to properly apologize,

There’s no refugee I deserve 

After all I’ve done.

I can’t pretend to understand,

Perhaps a simple submission to paranoia

Blinded by previous scars,

Dedication to destroying 

Anything and anyone that comes near.

No one can manage to intercept 

The cold something marching through my feverish mirror,

Creating maps of failure down my wrists. 

No one can witness my unforming,

For a razor blade salvation

Will eventually claim me. 

I loved you. 

But don’t deserve 

An audience for my destruction. 

[Jaw-clenched in a desolate bathroom stall

Somewhere hidden in the nonsense

Of our now collapsing cyclopean city,

Do you still remember the rain?]

Shotgun blast across the hypnagogic highway 

After your parting.

Putrid arterial streaks 

Evaporate into the ensuing firmament,

“Your blood is my blood”

Left frozen between the car crashes,

Succumbing to flashes of your panicked weeping,

I unzip my scalp

With your painted fingernails

And await the crimson rain

To flood my unworthy skull. 

After all, it all started with the rain

And reverberations of Shattered Hope.

Now it too has ended with the rain,

And it’s all too late. 

I should have told you from the start,

You couldn’t have possibly brought upon the fall

Because 

My world already ended 

A long time ago. 

-