Poetry Attempt: Unable to Forget Everything I Wish I Could Forget.

It truly never ends, does it?

 

I’m the Only One Left Alive

Scrapping my teeth against

Graveyard of scrap metal and reflective saw blades,

Plowing desecrated land

Bleached with mustard gas and opioids

In order to make way 

For skinned Nephilim to descend

And build a tilted nightmare cathedral 

Of new biology,

Sharpened stained glass windows

Painting all personal failures and sickly light 

Flickering the last image I have of your eyes. 

Inside

Organs hiss and wheeze in preparation 

For my final transformation into

Nonexistence. 

Green river of medication residue 

Flooding my skull 

Moaning with rising bile

Face to the stained floor, 

Attempting to embrace a sleep that never comes,

Left wondering

How did it all come to this? 

Make it go away.

All these years,

It’s slithering up the wilted walls

Framing a perpetually shattering embankment 

Forever verging on destruction.

Dark storm clouds of hacked-up cigarette ash 

Bleeds into devouring radiators 

Trumpeting screams of vivisected rats 

Calling out to me from jangling bars of fermenting bone. 

It’s swarming down the abandoned highway 

Dripping thick filaments of broken radio transmissions 

Squealing from blasted streetlights.

Yellow static off your gnawed lips 

Stitched haphazardly from star to dying star

I know it will catch up. 

Watch the gray, anorexic moonlight  

Scalp the long-stagnant horizon

Your face - festering and reeking - closes in 

On my shadow drowning in 

A new torn-open chasm in space.

My face - dragged across a field of bent nails 

And bubbling lesions -

Refuses to let go the sight of you.

With withered, lacerated arms 

Wrapped tightly around my shivering head

I’m waiting for the tossed-aside corpses

To rise from their piles along ancient Roman cliffsides 

Snap their empty eyes open, create a symphony 

Of crackling unhinged jaw bones

And look at me,

Flow their centuries of rot

Into the accepting caverns of my necrotic brain folds. 

There’s only pain in reaching out. 

Unleash genocide on my thoughts,

I can’t stand the world

Devoid of your voice. 

Guide my hand,

Famine overflowing the syringe 

Clutch the hollowed carcass twirling on a rope 

Await the flow of wretched-up animal innards

Coming down from gashes in the air. 

Buildings suspended in the enlarged malignancy of night

Staining the churning, haunted deserts

With fresh pink fetuses birthed from melting mortar

Forming the bricks of 

The great hospital cathedral awaiting 

The end of days. 

Imploding cosmic surgery

Humanity in desperation for renewed scarification 

All dreams crippled and maimed at the knees

Punched-out teeth creating 

Breeding labyrinths for man-made bugs.

The howling absence of you 

Is now all I have,

Once again leaving me no choice 

But to embrace the apocalypse.

Dragging you around as a bloated tick

Still scurrying your way 

Inside my many overlapping shallow cuts.

Idiotically, I’d still choose to feed you

If I had any blood left at all. 

Feeling my skin too heavily on lashed bones 

Knowing there’s no possible immunity 

For any of this.

Staggering into the slaughtering unknown 

Seeing your lost, fragile expression smeared across

A cocooning tapestry of personal executions,

Sharpened shadows etched in your sallow cheekbones

Guides my way toward the final construct

Losing all sight of who I am

But I keep wondering,

Do your joints still swell?

-

Nephelim Cathedral spreads open for me

Fused to their veiny pews, attendees fail to acknowledge me,

They chant out from their bisected chest cavities 

Incomprehensible commands 

And perfumed psalms of obsolescence.

Ceiling caves in,

Orbiting hand of the leviathan surgeon 

Points a gloved claw at me.

Liquidy gauze spills from

Opening stitches failing to

Hold tight my now infected slits for eyes.

Frenzied crowd disrobes their form

And squelch their disintegrating bones 

Irrevocably into each other. 

Rising noisome piles of manipulated human skin

Squirm into a pantimonine of

A grand, watchful smile

As the giant scalpel descends

Ready for the final cosmic defilement 

And total skeletal reconfiguration. 

Pooling and evaporating all around

The pulpit acting as my operating table,

Human race devolves into nothingness

The world outside the isolated cathedral

Wailing and wasting away

Ensuring that there is nowhere to return to 

And no other solution left. 

Seraphim surgeon prepares my exit

Sharpening tools against 

My peeling flesh,

My face finally draining of light 

As the swirling, welcoming void of nightmares

Awaits to suck me in and mold me anew. 

But the scene collapses, 

Everything stops.

A failure, 

I’m alive

And wake up screaming 

With the reminder that 

My final thought before my next attempt at suicide

Will be of you. 

-