Poetry Attempt: Continued Exploration of a Perpetuating Living Nightmare

 "Everything changes. And Everything dies."

Dead Persistence

Ruptured drum machine wires

Fed backward through the vibrating wound 

You left in my head

Echoes a mocking synthesized facsimile 

Of my failing, black lacquer heart.

Haunted blood-streaked bathroom mirror

Corrupted into an unwanted window 

Where caged birds wail and

Feast on each other’s tiny faces,

All lost in the familiar careening tower

Of broken church bells and undulating spilled guts. 

Outside, I watch flocks of carrion youth

Clothe themselves in decay,

Slipping into one another

While toiling loudly, chaotically,

In an endless whirlwind of shattered windshields,

Spoiled engine oil and dead time. 

All their lacerated limbs 

Builds the pavement forward

Leading the way 

Towards my unwanted escape. 

I hang my head, 

Brigade of leeches writhes

Up my throat and plop into the sink,

Wailing in unholy unison

An endless chant of your name

Rumbling the perched, 

Bloodied razor blade. 

-

Ethereal sonic suicide

In a mortuary scrapyard,

Persistence strikes through the soiled sky,

Dying hopelessly, opening the door

To unseen, tortuous 

Oblivion.

I have no options left. 

-

Mainling formaldehyde,

Futile attempt to preserve

What little of you is left

Still dwelling within,

Creeping up every twisted notch of my spine,

Possessing my brain stem 

With an impossibly frozen grip. 

Clumps of your hair still trapped -

Coiled in the cobwebs

Tying together my bones. 

Waking up; waiting for 

The knife to my veins,

Last lingering images of you

Distilled from ever-darkening

Recurring dreams of all I’ve lost

Siphoned out of

My last cigarette,

Glued to withered, torn-apart lips.

Poisoned flow of crackling, fogged-up

Portraits billow into ash

And tremendous bouts of nothingness

That could never again

Be within my reach. 

Dark gray cloudy reminders 

Of this year of wasted pain,

Abandoned sanctuary,

Total dejection 

And unconsenting abortion 

Of a life I tried so desperately to maintain. 

All slows to an unbearable crawl,

Broken mirror fragments

Wedged in my waxen eyelids,

Cancel out all sight - only reflect decay. 

I don’t know what I’m still doing here,

I can no longer tell

What exactly I’m going through

And what barbed dregs of memories 

Are even real anymore. 

Conversely overwhelmed with apathy,

Segmenting pieces of you 

To carry in my chained cadaver,

I venture out into the great nowhere

Overtaking the outside,

Diseased smog replacing my lungs, 

I’m left here

Still waiting

For the moment where you’ll choose 

To stitch our severed horizon back together

And simply reach out

Before my self-imposed 

Expiration date

Catches up. 

Or

More likely, 

For the last remaining stars 

To blink out, slowly one-by-one

Finally falling out from

My perpetually collapsing sky. 

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