Failed Poetry Attempt: Insomnia, Memories, Pills, and Confused Sorrow.

The following ugly regurgitation of words and meaningless nonsense emotions was born from a few remaining scraps found in my previous notebook. Some of it was written as a response to a concert I went to fairly recently. Some of it was written as a response to the continued confusion I feel at the mere facts of my existence. And then what came out of me when I tried to expand on these meager, anemic scraps of vomit seemed to be responses to my latest bout of insomnia experienced over the past week. Needless to say, none of it came together to form anything coherent or good or significant at all. This is a slow waterfall of stomach-bile colored tar that has leaked onto the screen and forever stained this particular page. That is all. 

 

Exorcize All Thought

Dreams and ambitions all tied up in a noose

Hanging from eroded, sea-green steeples

Rising above, crooked and careening,

From the endless ocean of our shared shadows

Your blood pools underneath my nails,

You are not forgotten. 

Your cigarette butts 

Still tangled in my throat

Your black sheer dancing cloth 

Still balled up and weeping 

Across my windowsill. 

Dripping carnival stars twist and drop

As I bask unnervingly under my chemical blanket,

Stained with your convulsions 

Hoping to reawaken to an eradicated dawn

Sprawling lawns of a lonely apocalypse 

And mutations dancing off my old flesh,

But the night-wind eeks out a weeping death rattle

Streaked across my broken, howling windowpane

Is the solemn, loathsome reminder;

“No One Is There.”

Now the endless procession of the ailing moon

Drools slowly down my shivering spine

Marking each swollen notch 

With the arcane inscription 

Of another passing, empty hour,

Alone. 

Shifting my dreams into inverted railway spikes 

Lined with twitching membranes

Assailing an attack 

Against my opened head,

Splaying and erupting my enflamed brain

Pinning remnants of my skull 

Over photos of you collaged along my wall

And painting my pillows with blotchy pools

Reflecting visions 

Of my desired self-annihilation

Where I once traced all black brambles and tendrils 

Of your sleeping head. 

But sleep has long since melted away 

Into soupy storms of decomposition,

In gnawing orbs of panic expanding and exploding 

Within my lifeless entrails.

Eyes stapled open, irises kissed with stinging memories

Of abandonment and squandered love,

I can’t forget to take my pills. 

Holy capsules and chalky tablets

Glow and overwhelm in the bloody crater 

Dug into my hands,

Writhing through begotten time,

There are flashes of strange colors 

And laughing electricity 

Skittering and waving across my walls,

My face and body feel unreal

Sinking,

Twisting,

Aching,

And unable to sleep. 

Ceiling drips oscillating doll's eyes

As intestinal-lined barbed wire

Pulls at each of my spasmodic limbs,

This is the end of me,

You’re there bearing witness

In your flowing cloak of shadowed night

Pale features angular and veer on the divine

In the shrinking rays of noxious light,

You blink once

And I’m there. 

The floor turns pulpy and pulsates

At deafening volumes 

Rising irregularly like cancerous tissue,

Pits of screaming dust corruscates beneath my floating body 

As a metallic tree of hanged children

Sprouts and coils

Out from the fevered miasma

Pouring from my infected eyes. 

Iron-lung buildings topple around us

In symphonic tableaus of suicide,

Amidst the torrents of rubble 

And fireworks of flesh

You meet my gaze for the last time. 

In the center of modern decay,

My nonsensical form falls away 

Into slaughtering nature and folding skies,

Through rivers of amniotic alcohol

Down staircases of smiling cadavers

And bodybag clouds…

You and I descend 

Fall through 

And siphon in rebirth 

Into darkly shining destruction. 

Perhaps now I can finally join your bones. 

We watch them all

Fainting in line in the wake of the Goliath exorcism

Wrinkled white flesh taut 

In a strained, resonating, amplified scream 

Slapped into the singed amplifiers,

The prisoner in a foreign land calls forth 

Primordial egress,

And swallows up the atmosphere 

As the next gray-haired head sizzles and collapses.

We’re nothing but gutted husks 

Candle-light topped ribcages,

White light burning in connecting flames between us

As we fall

And fall.

The noise never stops, 

Woefully fragile words surging in my pocket,

I try to pass them to you 

As you melt close into the red light,

Fading eternally through my scarred arms. 

-

Lying hopelessly awake 

Under the unbearable weight

Of prescribed overdoses,

In the unimaginable confines of insomnia,

I endlessly rewatch you 

Shrink in the train station 

Leaving you behind, 

Clutching my crucifix and vertebrae 

As the light solemnly shortcircuits

Between our heavy, lonely eyes.

-