Poetry Attempt: Another Excercise in Envisioning a Failed Attempt at Ending the World and Myself

 I can't say much about this. This isn't directed at anyone in particular. To be left alone and succumb to total isolation is truthfully not something I'd want. But I am frequently haunted by the overwhelmingly loud voice in the stomach of my very being shouting at me that I deserve to be left alone and uncared for by anyone in this sordid, ugly world. And when I am finally free of any attachment to humanity, what little of it I have in the first place, I can finally enact my plans of doing away with this life once and for all. With no one to know of it, with no guilt or shame to be felt, with no hesitation or regrets, just a happy embrace into the void. Thanks for reading. 

Leave Me Alone

Resist the questionable urge,

Don’t push over the empty carcass 

And see me writhing underneath

As a fat, oily black ant 

Taken out of place, a loathsome invasion 

Against my own species 

Engorging myself on cancerous lumps 

Fallen from all the widening hollows 

Pockmarking anemic skies,

In front of my ravaged audience, 

I manage to finally eat away at the foreign smile 

Suddenly spreading its tear-stained falsehoods 

Across my tremulous, obsidian stain of a head.

Unamused en masse,

I’m transfixed on my plotted demise

While the rejecting colony of my peers,

Disgusted and quivering with blood lust, 

Gather together 

To slowly draw and quarter me. 

Keep pouring 

My insect blood

Down your perfect little faces. 

That is all that can be found of me, 

I’ve ceased existence long ago

And my work has only just begun,

During several moon's backwards procession 

The dividing threshold emerged,

Leaving my decomposing brain 

In storm clouds polluting a foreign land

I failed to call home,

Half of me now wriggles with the worms,

The other half 

Lost itself into my vacant skull 

And continues to flay himself to weeping, bloodless bits 

Under the overwhelmingly numb, off-white shadows 

Crawling out from the walls of my bones - 

He doesn’t realize

His veins are long tapped out,

No more comforting eruptions

Of scarlet exercises in addiction

Could ever be possible again, after all,

Now without a heart. 

Could there be 

Something more? 

Look to the skies, 

The vortex snaps 

A great serpentine skewer 

Stretches its new phantasmal limbs across the schism 

Its widening maw awash with flies,

Fresh from the funeral pyre,

Births forth a global defenestration 

A violent exodus 

Shorning the Earth 

And scalping our heads, planting newfound atrocities 

In our star-reflective brains

Before each and every one of us is tossed 

Out the illusory window

Of boundless, desolating space. 

I can’t bring myself to react. 

 Now all I can see through the howling streaks 

Of murdered time’s sparking pus 

That canvases the land’s end

Are the emulsified painted freaks 

Curled up in hopeless prayer

Spindly, anorexic butterflies 

Erupting out of their backs.

Now I know it’s here at last…

When it’s finally quiet 

And the trees no longer spread

Their strange disease of electricity,

When all signs of life 

Eternally evaporate into maddening uncertainties 

And this primordial miasma of nonsense

Finally piles up higher than the mounds of dead

When it all finally buckles, caves in,

And sinks into the earth inferno 

When all the oceans have long since dried up, 

And nature's all-consuming womb

Only breeds fatal deformities,

When there are no more frolicking disorders 

Linking me to you,

When you all realize 

There was never any value found in light, 

When I am finally 

Left entirely alone

And free to carry out 

The pre-natal attack planned for myself…

I’ll retreat into myself

Completely 

To gnaw away at whatever 

Or whoever 

Still lurks in my entrails 

And unspool my hand around the twitching, 

Dazzling razor,

Only to be halted by the surge

Of unbearable existential vomit

Taking over my form,

After I stop to find 

Still remaining pieces of you

Getting lodged between my teeth. 

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