Once more I realize, it never ends.

 

Useless Lament 

Insomniac fit on a bed of dead insects 

Fuzzy, interlocked alien bodies 

Smashed and discolored 

From the apex of my nightly fall,

All curld up bugs resemble 

Tear-stained, runny mascara blotches 

You left on matted faux-fur 

An abused stuffed animal held close to shattering ribs 

Once my gift to you

Now battered and stitched back up

As a pitiful vessel for our radical, sudden division

For punishing weeping 

For cries out to neglecting mothers,

I’ll never be able to forget. 

Each fabric a volatile remainder

Unnerving events of your frail grip on me 

Wilfully waning 

And the blackened avalanche of your words

In the eternal process of burying my mind

In a targeted collapse of my sense of self 

And in my resulting frozen, directionless devotion 

Undying 

And painfully futile.

You can never know,

You simply wouldn’t allow yourself

Anyway.

You left me

In that black-mold populated flat

My corpse wound up in orange LED lights,

Once illuminated our fevered union

Each bulb contains isolated memories

Of two shell-shocked souls merging intensely together 

And, like a carnival built above a dormant mine field 

We unexpectedly exploded violently apart

Disposed of inside that decaying apartment building

Watching my severed limbs writhe

Wraiths of your dead love 

Carrying my splintered bones 

Into the trash piling up into the burning gallows,

Weight of our degraded history

Pulling the bare tree branches 

Slowly impaling all the empty spaces 

Where you used to be. 

But what does it matter?

All that you left behind 

As long as you took with you 

The many flayed, ruined effigies 

Of my eternal love towards you. 

As long as I lay awake, haunted 

By the wandering canvases,

The brambles of animated wounds 

Painting unbearable pictures of dried blood cut-ups 

My nightly failures to claw my way out of this 

Splinters of your vacant face

Dazzling through broken bathroom mirror 

Lone, dark corners of my decimated bedroom sing 

Feverish, nightmarish temptations of reaching out

As tendrils of our consecrated severance

Project screaming scenes of failure 

Onto mushroom cloud shores 

Spilling onto my unsleeping head. 

-

Falling deeper into your absence

Getting closer and closer

To finding 

Nothing at all. 

-

Despite the rapid destruction of my perception,

The Holocaust of our way of life,

I still remember

You, as the girl flickering with beautiful, gloom-leaden sparks 

Through the anesthetized cobwebs of my life

Like a razor blade

That I beckoned to cut me into weeping shreds. 

Masquerade of spectral memories 

Circle around the plague festival

Endlessly fading away 

The nightly sacrifice to try to forget,

Watching as I chew on 

Your crumbled, menstrual-stained bedsheets 

Awaiting an impossible return 

Of our personal Armageddon 

Through bombed reflections embedded 

In sharpened spires,

Out from the embrace of the silent, jagged void,

An anguished yell

Escapes my throat, still coated with singing fragments

Of your flesh.

Terrified and entombed in exhaustion,

With time as a broken mirror, sparkling shards in my patterned 

And self-appointed wounds,

I scream alone, 

A final desperate lament 

To call you forth from my slaughtered past

And render me into amnesia and nonexistence

But, once more, 

Staring into the dust-billowing, shrouded void,

You forgot to answer.